


The Escort

by SonnyGietzel



Category: Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: AU, Escort Service, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 11:38:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonnyGietzel/pseuds/SonnyGietzel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ryan, I thought the point of this was to <em>not</em> get you fired?! I am the last person you want substituting <em>anyone </em>as an escort!”</p><p>“Q, please! I know you can be social if you need to! You’re great at those fund-raisers, no one even suspects you’re insulting them with every breath!”</p><p>“And what if your client <em>does</em>?”</p><p>“Q, they’re all stupid! I’m serious! No smart guy pays for an escort; smart guys can just get someone who <em>wants</em> to be there. You don’t even have to talk! You can just sit there and look pretty and no one will think it’s weird.”</p><p>“Oh, <em>yes</em>. That <em>totally </em>convinces me,” Q said, sarcasm dripping off his tone. “I can’t talk! Should I giggle coquettishly? Simper? Flutter my eyelashes? Flip my blonde hair back?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meeting

“Hello?”

“Q!”

“…who is this?”

“It’s me, Ryan.”

Q put down the pan he’d been holding and went to gather some pepper.

“Ryan, how are you? Is there a problem?”

There was a pause down the line.

“I…yes. Sort of.”

Q sighed. He laid out some pepper on the steak and then flipped it over. “What jail do I have to bail you out of now?”

Ryan laughed. “No, no! Nothing like that, I promise. Actually it’s kind of a good and a bad thing.”

Q chuckled. “Well, that sounds slightly better. What is it?”

There was once again silence. Q was starting to think Ryan had hung up before the other man spoke once again.

“You…ah…remember how I started working for this escort service a while ago?”

“Yes?” Q slipped the steak onto a plate and then turned off the stove. “They kicked you out yet?”

“No, amazingly. I think they might like me,” Ryan said, with a self-deprecating laugh.

“Then what’s the problem?” Q said, placing the plate on his living room table and then walking back to the kitchen to get a glass.

“Well, you see…I got an interview.”

Q’s eyes widened. “Honest? That’s great!”

“Yeah…problem is, the date interferes with a job I have coming.”

Q frowned. “Can’t you change it?”

Q could practically see Ryan shaking his head. “No, I tried. I’ve already switched around 10 jobs, they’re not going to let me switch another so soon.”

Q poured out some orange juice into the glass. “Can’t you get another job? Just until the interview’s good and you’re in?”

Ryan laughed again. It sounded a bit forced. “I think you overestimate my abilities at getting in. Just getting an interview is amazing enough, really.” He paused. “I just…I don’t have money. And the escort service is the best-paying gig I’ve ever been in. If the interview fails, I _need_ it.”

Q sat down with the orange juice with a relaxed sigh. His couch was comfier than his bed, which was appropriate since he spent much more time there.

“Ok, I get that. So, what are your options?”

“I only have one, really. I can get someone to substitute for me.”

Q began to cut into the steak. “You could ask Arianna.”

Ryan snorted. “Q, I’m a guy. I need a guy to replace me.”

“Billy?”

“I’m  an escort, not an all-you-can-eat contestant.”

Q nearly choked on his first bite of meat. “That was mean. What about Ian?”

Even he knew the suggestion was weak. Ryan didn’t even bother answering.

“Q, I need you to substitute for me.”

This time Q really did choke on the meat. He spent a few second trying to get it out of his windpipe before turning back to the phone. “Are you insane? Like, clinically diagnosed insanity?”

Q could practically see Ryan’s puppy eyes as the brunette begged. “Please! Please, Q. You’re the only one I can ask for this.”

“Ryan, I thought the point of this was to _not_ get you fired?! I am the last person you want substituting _anyone_ as an escort!”

“Q, please! I know you can be social if you need to! You’re great at those fund-raisers, no one even suspects you’re insulting them with every breath!”

“And what if your client _does_?”

“Q, they’re all stupid! I’m serious! No smart guy pays for an escort; smart guys can just get someone who _wants_ to be there. You don’t even have to talk! You can just sit there and look pretty and no one will think it’s weird.”

“Oh, _yes_. That _totally_ convinces me,” Q said, sarcasm dripping off his tone. “I can’t talk! Should I giggle coquettishly? Simper? Flutter my eyelashes? Flip my blonde hair back?”

“That would probably work quite well, yes.”

“No!”

“Q, please!”

“No. No way.”

“I seriously need this! Please!”

“You can get someone else! Not me!“

“There’s no one else!”

“Well, it’s not going to be me! There’s-“

“Siberia!”

Q paused. The line was silent. He let out a slow breath, counting to ten.

“…It’s really that bad?”

“Yes, Q. It’s really that bad.”

Q sighed, putting down his fork and rubbing between his eyes.

“…You owe me. Big time.”

Ryan gave a whoop of glee. Q made a disgruntled noise.

“Q, thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! Thank you so much!”

“Thank me after you’ve repaid me,” Q growled.

Ryan’s voice went suddenly softer. “Seriously. I really appreciate this. You know I’d do anything for you.”

Despite his annoyance, Q’s frown softened. “Yeah, I know. Me too.”

“I’ll drop by your house later to give you the details and a crash course in escort service, yeah?” Ryan said, his tone amused. Q glared at the phone and wondered if it was possible to create a machine that would strangle people through such devices.

“Fine. See you then.”

 

* * *

 

The limousine arrived at the designated location with five minutes to spare. Q nearly fled from the car as soon as it was parked.

He couldn’t _stand_ another second with the other escorts.

There were two other guys and three girls, and they all looked as glittery as Q felt. Their names were Gary, Max, Alicia, Roxy and Susie; Q rather suspected they were not their real names, but honestly didn’t care enough to ask. He’d already memorized them, anyways. All three guys were dressed in stiff black suits which were cut a bit too close for Q’s comfort, and the girls were all dressed in skin-tight black sheath dresses. Q comforted himself that at least Ryan’s job was exceedingly high-class; while all escorts certainly looked like models, none of them were expected to sleep with or otherwise sexually engage their clients.

Q once again had to stop himself from fidgeting. He felt completely out of his league. He’d never considered himself handsome, but standing next to Ryan’s ‘friends’ made him feel like a troll in comparison. Ryan had assured him that he fit in just fine, and the people at the agency had accepted the substitution, but Q couldn’t shake off the feeling that everyone was looking at him with pity, as if asking themselves if he’d gotten lost.

The other escorts were certainly nice, of course, but there was a prevailing shallowness to their commentary which set Q’s teeth on edge. What diet was she _on_? Where had _they_ bought _those_ shoes? What perfume are you wearing? How many reps at the gym last week? Isn’t this actor _hot_?

By the time they arrived at the gentleman’s club, Q was ready to scream. He’d managed to pass off as shy rather than about to jump out of a window, which was great, but he could only hope that their customers would at least talk about other things.

 _Any_ other things.

A few people looked their way as they entered, no doubt entranced by the beautiful group. Q had to control his instinctive urge to huddle into himself. He wasn’t at all accustomed to being the center of attention, in any respect, and his natural inclination to hide was manifesting strongly. He pushed it aside with all the strength he could muster and simply looked ahead.

There was a group of four men and two women sitting near the back corner of the restaurant, which the escorts were ushered towards. Q wasn’t sure how they would go about designating themselves to each customer, but the decision was taken out of his hands as one of the women gestured towards Roxy.

“What’s your name?”

“Roxy, ma’am.”

“Come sit with me, Roxy. Call me Miranda.”

One of the men called out to Susie, while another man called out to Max. Suddenly, Q saw one of the men gesturing to him.

“What’s your name?”

“Tom, sir.” He decided early on to go with a pseudonym. Q was a pseudonym already, of course, but he had an entire identity to go with that and so would rather not have it associated in any way to this favor.

The man smiled. His ice blue eyes gave Q the rather unsettling sense of being analyzed.

“Well, Tom, do join me. You may call me James.”


	2. A Nice Evening

After introductions had been made, the group began discussing what Q quickly defined as ‘political schmoozing laughably disguised as business’. Q sat back in the plush couch which he and James were sitting on and prepared for an evening of mindless pandering; he stiffened slightly as James’ arm came around his shoulders, but as no movement followed he managed to relax slightly. He pasted a fake smile on his face and proceeded to tune out the conversation, choosing instead to focus on the recent program he was developing; it had been requested by a gambling joint, and required careful management of probabilities and statistics of an exceedingly large amount of information. The customers had to win often and enough that they would want to keep playing, but not so much that the joint wasn’t making a good profit out of it. Certain games required certain ratios, some more addictive than others; there also needed to be enough _almost_ wins that the player believed luck was mostly on their side, just not _this_ time.

Q, of course, excelled at this, which was why he had been the one requested. His name was well known within the programming world, and his services garnered enough respect that he never lacked for a job. Recently, Q had allowed himself the pleasure of picking only gigs which he found a personal interest in. Otherwise, he feared he might become bored with the request and perform half-heartedly, an absolutely inconceivable conclusion to his stellar work standards.

James’ sudden tap on his shoulder brought him suddenly out of his reveries. He noted all the other couples were conversing rather intimately, and had to contain a shiver of unease. He turned to the man, noting that his fake, placid smile was at least still on.

“Sorry, sir? I must have spaced out,” he said, managing to sound appropriately contrite. Ryan would have his head if Q’s acting lead to the customer complaining of inattention this early.

Thankfully James nodded, accepting the excuse, and for the first time Q was glad that he was _supposed_ to act like a vapid airhead.

“I said, what are you thinking about? You seem rather focused.”

Q blinked a few times, his mind trying to come up with a believable lie. “Oh…nothing really. Just on this…book I’ve been reading.”

James raised an eyebrow, looking more interested than Q had hoped he would at the mention of a book. Honestly, he’d hoped the man might change the subject; didn’t these sort of people think books were boring?

“Really? What book?”

Q gave a low laugh, attempting to buy himself some time. It had been quite a while since he’d read a book that wasn’t on new technological advances or various scientific topics, but somehow he didn’t think that saying so would go over very well with his customer.

“I…I don’t think you’ll be very interested, honestly,” he said, ducking his head to try and hide his cheeks, which he could feel burning. Q was not made for this!

James chuckled, low and gravely, and no matter how much he tried Q could not detect a mocking tone in it.

“Why don’t you try me? I’ve read all sorts of books, after all.”

Q managed to hide his scoff behind a small cough. “I am sure you have,” he said, slightly more drily than would have perhaps been appropriate, but he couldn’t help himself. He _doubted_ this man had ever read a single book which Q could mention.

Q’s eyes widened as he realized that was it. If he mentioned a book the man hadn’t read, and sounded boring, surely the subject would be changed. It was a tactic he’d employed often when speaking to people which he considered too stupid to waste his time, but since in those times he hadn’t had any problems with insulting them directly, the idea hadn’t really jumped out at him now when he had to be so careful not to upset the man.

He turned up his sweetest smile, lowering his voice. He was going to have to do some massive damage control if James felt that Q was in any way insulting his intelligence. “It’s a book on Nanorobotics. I don’t expect you to be very interested, really; it’s quite boring.”

It hurt Q’s soul to claim the book was boring, but he preferred to play the issue down as much as possible while still making it clear he wished to change the subject to a safer area. Instead of the bored and confused look Q was expecting, James looked pleasantly surprised. There was also a glimmer of calculation in the icy eyes which Q wasn’t sure he liked.

“Not at all, that sounds absolutely fascinating. Why are you reading that book? ”

Q’s placid smile slipped for a moment at James’ words as his expression flashed with incredulity. Was the man really going along with this?

“Sure. It is,” Q replied automatically, thinking what on earth he was going to do with this. At least James didn’t seem bored. In fact, he seemed rather entertained. Q decided he would see how far he could go with this until the man began to push back. He’d have to at _some_ point, after all. Q was well aware how normal people reacted to complicated technical topics. “I am largely interested in the programming ability of biological components.”

James’ expression did not shift, but his arm around Q seemed to go slightly tense. Q wondered if the man would finally change the subject.

“Such as DNA-based code?”

Q blinked. “Well, yes. DNA is certainly an almost already formed language from which to write code, after all. Bacteria are also rather interesting; they are very useful in a surprising number of ways.”

James took a drink of his martini, smiling, but his arm was still tense. “I read someone programmed them to solve Sudoku puzzles.”

Q grinned. “Yeah, that was a pretty neat trick. It’s pretty simple, really, they all just act like single logic gates; put enough together...”

“…and you get a living microprocessor.”

Q laughed, surprising himself by finding he was actually enjoying James’ light but surprisingly knowledgeable conversation. He’d come prepared to do the job and hate every minute of it, but so far it wasn’t so bad. Finally, James’ arm relaxed once again against his shoulders, and Q breathed out a small sigh of relief. The man’s awkwardness had been putting him on edge.

“So, James, what do you do?” Q asked after a few seconds of silence. It was one of the questions which Ryan had given him as standard if he found the conversation dragging. James didn’t seem to mind either the silence or the question, which Q appreciated, but given his role he felt that he should at least attempt to socialize properly.

“I’m a consultant, specialized in security. People hire me to provide either security measures or an evaluation of set procedures.”

Q shifted slightly. “Does that include virtual security? Databases, company information?”

James shook his head. “No, I only work in the physical aspects; I could theoretically establish very decent virtual security measures, but that’s not what I’ve specialized in, or what I’m hired for.”

Q nodded. “Is that what you’re doing for this group too?”

“Yes. That’s what we were talking about, but clearly you weren’t listening.”

Q once again felt his cheeks burn. “I’m so very sorry. I tend to space out when I find myself bored with present company,” he sniped out before he could help himself. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Q’s eyes widened in horror.

_Well I did warn Ryan this would happen._

He was startled from his mortification as James laughed good-naturedly beside him. “Am I boring you, Tom?” His tone was amused rather than angry, thankfully, and Q allowed himself a small grin.

“No, actually. Against all expectations; you are quite pleasant company. I’m not sure I could say the same for the rest of this group, however.”

“I’m flattered.”

“You should be. It’s not often I approve of people,” Q said, feeling more and more comfortable as James reacted positively to his rather unsuitable banter. He was sure that if Ryan could see this, the brunette would be crying with despair. Q was relatively certain this was not appropriate escort behavior.

“Too few people are interested in Nanorobotics?”

“Certainly,” Q huffed, crossing his arms. “Too few people understand the great effort and intelligence achieving proper results requires; nanorobotics is underestimated because it’s not _flashy_ enough. Oh, it cures cancer? But it’s so _ugly_ ,” Q said with disgust. James laughed again.

“You are certainly right that too many people overlook talent and intelligence for beauty. I am personally devastated at the fact that the art of conversation is one which is slowly falling into decadence. Cleverness is such a rare quality these days.”

Q smirked. “Is that why you looked so happy at the mention of a book? Are you entirely too knowledgeable about the weather these days?”

James chuckled. “Entirely too much. Who needs a forecast when you have friends?”

Q gave him an insulted look. “Please, James, speak for yourself. My friends are all very intelligent people who would never dream of talking about the weather unless it was being used to predict stock prices.”

James’ eyebrows rose. “Stock prices?”

Q huffed. “I’m not going to _tell_ you how it’s done. I’m making a lot of money out of it, which only works as long as the algorithm is a secret.”

“Well, I have no need for more money myself; I’m rather more interested in the math. Could you at least give me a hint?”

Q couldn’t help the slight curling of his lips at the puzzle he’d presented James with. He could never resist showing other people – as long as they were interested and Q believed them to be smart enough to appreciate his genius – how he’d solved any puzzle he felt was particularly clever. So far James had proven himself on both accounts.

“Fine. It predicts oil prices, that’s all I’m going to tell you.”

James groaned, but he was smiling. “Oh no. Now I won’t be able to stop thinking about it until I’ve solved it.”

“Perfect! That’s what I like to hear.”

James laughed.

They continued their conversation for a while longer, until it became clear that the businessmen were getting ready to leave. James turned to Q.

“Well, Tom, this has been quite an enjoyable evening. Thank you for your charming company.”

Q felt himself blushing and managed a small smile. “My pleasure. You were certainly no slouch yourself.”

James gave him a final amused look before he joined the other customers and they left the club. The escorts left soon after, in the same limousine they had come in. On the ride back they remarked on their respective customers; boring, leery, okay. Q made no comment despite their queries, but all the way back he couldn’t help the small grin on his lips.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! I hope you like this story! Thank you for reading :)


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